feeling blue.

I've been feeling weird lately...insecure I guess. I know that a lot of people go through some shitty times, and it's totally normal. But it still sucks. I'm so passionate about my blog and my styling shoots, that I want everything to be perfect..and sometimes I hate it. That pressure to perform all the time. The feeling the need to blog about everything..taking pictures all the time..it's so tiring. Sometimes I just wanna crawl in bed, and SLEEP FOREVER! I'm not a cocky person, strangely enough a lot of people think that I am, and I'm always hurt by their comments.. just because a girl, is not drop dead ugly, doesn't mean she thinks she's superhot! When I'm out, wearing make up, in a dress, with heels on, I may look sexy, but I'm sure as hell not feeling it..i'm nervous as hell, insecure. I always worry about what people might think about me, or say...Actually you shouldn't care at all, because i mean it's your life, and fuck everybody else, but still..you do care. And when i'm searching the internet, visiting my fellow blogger's blog, I can't help but feeling, do I fit in? And I hate myself for feeling this way, because a woman should be confident..but I can't all the time..Sometimes I wonder, do I have what it takes? Everyone's blog is so damn good..my styling shoots, are they good enough? Will people notice me? Gosh, it's so terrible! I hate being insecure. That's the beauty of being a woman, there's always something. Today... I FELT SO FAT! Like a cow! I ate cupcakes as breakfast..I just could not help myself..and I felt so guilty afterwards...and then the crazy train comes through.. TUUT TUUT, crazy train arriving! And it's staying for a couple of hours...I see al these young girls, getting invited to Paris fashion week, and i'm feeling so small, when I read about their adventures..I have like no clue, how to get there. I mean, I know i'm just starting out and everything, I shouldn't put so much pressure on myself..but I can't help it, I'm very impatient. I want everything NOW, exactly how I see it. I'm so bad!   But after hanging in bed all day, watching Hart of Dixie, and new girl, .. so ashamed of myself right now, I decided to have a nice evening with my man, and go out to dinner..first I did my nails...I decided what dress to wear, I wore my hair in a ponytail ( no suprise at all ) put on some make up, and looked at myself in the mirror..I offcourse posted a photo of myself on facebook.. I must admit, the dress is stunning. It's from BEBE..got it in New York. so we went out, and when we were sitting down, I felt like, strapped in to a tight bodysuit! Terrible! I'm the gal that loves oversized eveything..I think dresses and stuff are sooo pretty, but I do not feel comfortable! So I really hated myself for wearing a dress. So we had a lovely meal..I had a pasta with spinach, mushrooms, and a cream sauce! Delish! I love pasta! We go to this cute little restaurant, around the corner, it's called Spaghettiworld...YUM! Not a lot on the menu, but everything is so fresh..So we left after our very nice dinner, and now I'm hanging out in bed, writing this shit down, while my man's watching telly, and by the hears of it, clipping his toe nails ( IEUW ) Sometimes I get tired of being a housewife..I mean cooking every night, cleaning, groceryshopping, everything.. life is so busy sometimes..And sometimes, i just can't take it anymore...It doesn't stop! you've gotta do it over and over and over... plus we have a cat, and that hair, is EVERYWHERE! But I'm going to stop blabbing about myself...GOOD night, enjoy the pictures of today..and I'll see you all, Laterrrrr!